I think I know why I keep a strong and brave face on. . . because when I don't I have people tell me I need to take a break. I need to go to counseling. I need to just stop trying to have another baby and focus on me.
All those things may be right, I'm not saying they are not. I am upset because I desire another child and I can't achieve that dream. I am sad because although I have gotten pregnant I don't have a baby.
So how is taking a break from trying to have a baby going to equal in a baby? It won't. I will eventually start again at some point and I will be 1, 5, 8 months later in that quest. What if I have the same issues when I start to try again? What if it take another year or 2? Then I'll be 3, 4, 5 years from this point...still no baby.
So stopping for a "break" is not an option. . .it just isn't. I wanted my kids 2 years apart and that dream has left the building a long long time ago. I am now looking at 2 under 3 IF I get pregnant this next cycle. I did not want my kids 5 or 6 years apart....I didn't even want 4 years apart.
This is my dream and if I feel like I can push forward with it let me. I think after all I've been through I am doing damn well, I still take care of my family. I still go to work. I still smile and enjoy my son.
So I am okay. When I am not okay I will be the first one to admit it and we will stop this madness and abort our mission for baby #2. Let me be the judge of that and let me cry and fall apart once in a while, okay? I need it.
1 comment:
Well said. You know what you need.
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