Forgive me if I don't ask you about your pregnancy. It is not that I don't care. . .it is not that I am not happy for you. It is because to verbally ask you and listen may rip my heart out depending on what sort of day I am having emotionally. I should have what you do but my future was ripped from my hands (womb) five times. I have five "due dates" which one of them (July) has already passed. The other four are fast approaching. October, January, Febuary and March will be here soon...they will all be hard.
Forgive me if I shed a tear when I see your newborn. It is not that I don't want to acknowledge your baby. It is because that is what I should be doing. It hurts too much.
This is about self preservation of myself. . .of my own heart and soul. I have to protect myself and take care of myself. This is not about you. . .it's me. All me. I will take the blame but please don't hate me for shrouding myself.
This will not last forever. This is just a abnormal rhythm on my life ECG, my heart will calm down eventually.
I am happy for you, I really am but bitterly sad for myself.
1 comment:
WOW it takes a wonderful smart insightfull person to write what you just wrote. Things will work out for you & Ryan.
You are allowed to have some me tyme. Actually all the time you need untill this is resolved. Love
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