Whales

I feel like a whale...I can manage to be a cute whale at times, but a whale none the less.



So I am attempting to lose weight (for the billionth time) but I feel pretty sure that I will. I am just ready, like a switch turned in my head and I am ready to get my body back. Do I want to look like I did when I was 17, no. These hips will never shrink that far even if I lose all the fat on my body, but I want to feel good about myself. I want to wear a bathing suit without clumsily holding up a towel. I don't want to play the game "how-fast-can-I-get-in-the-pool-after-taking-the-towel-off-before-someone-sees-me" anymore. I want to sit down and not wonder if I have a muffin top or sometimes even a bread loaf top depending on how bloated I am at any given moment.



My clothes will get tight and instead of putting down the fork or exercising I just buy bigger ones and for a few months I feel great. Until those clothes get a little snug and here I am getting further and further from ever wearing those faded jeans I loved so dearly that sit unused in the closet. I might as well donate all my smalls and size 4, I will never get back there but there are some healthy size 6 and 8's calling my name.



I am overweight according to my BMI, not by much but still. I want to personally lose 40 lbs and everyone that I tell that to says "from where?"....uh, I can name at least 5 areas of my body that are pretty squishy so I'm going to go ahead and say "from there".


(edited to add: Since we are trying to get pregnant, as soon as I get a positive test I will stop trying to lose weight and just go on a maintenance diet to not gain too much during the pregnancy.)